You are perhaps considering someone. You are perhaps praying about someone. “Someone,” who? Someone, who could be your life partner. Someone you would wake up with for the rest of your life. Someone who would be father/mother to your babies. It’s a big decision. You can change your computer printer – but not your life partner, according to the Bible. That’s why, this is a big decision. How can you be sure that a certain ‘someone’ is God’s chosen person to be your life partner? Here are some key questions to ask yourself before you prayerfully decide:
1. Is that person a BELIEVER? Is that person BORNAGAIN? The Bible is clear: falling in love with an unbeliever and later converting that person to Christ is not an acceptable or recorded missionary statergy in the Bible. If the person you are interested in, is not a believer ALREADY, you are not certainly in the will of God with regard to your life partner choice. The one you take to bed, will influence your head, even if you are the wisest man on the earth. Ask Solomon he will tell you. He ended up worshipping idols influenced by his idol-worshipping wives. He did not convert them. They converted him.
2. Can you sail in that person’s BOAT? In other words, do both of you have the same life goal? Are you both willing to sail in the same direction, like Mr. and Mrs. Noah were? Or do you resemble Mr. and Mrs. Lot – a couple that went in the opposite directions? Amos 3:3 says, ‘two people who walk together must be agreed with each other’. Marriage is a life-long walk together. If you are desirous of being involved in ministry during your offs and other free times and if your partner does not enjoy this at all, say ‘tata’ to that partner.
3. Does the person possess the same BRAIN-WAVE LENGTH as you do? Marriage is not about having sex 24/7. It is about conversations over coffee. Converstations in bed. Conversations and more conversations. Find a person with you can converse with without having to make too much effort. Find a person in the same wave-length as you are in.
4. Is that person BEAUTIFUL in your eyes? Read Ezekiel 24. In that chapter, you will discover the Prophet Ezekiel called his wife, ‘the delight of my eyes’. It is important that you find a partner you looks beautiful in your eyes or is as beautiful as you are (so make sure you keep looking at the mirror often so that you know how ‘beautiful’ you first are – sorry, if I was too blunt here!). Beauty, of course, lies in the eye of the beholder. But don’t make beauty the only deciding factor. It is only skin deep or make-up deep or studio-photography deep (in today’s world!). Kick away traditional views on beauty – ‘the girl should be milk white!’, ‘the boy should be twin towers tall!’ etc, etc. Grow up!
5. Does that person have the BUCKS to take care of you? After you get married, both of you need to pool in resources and make ends meet. If that is not going to be feasible, think again about the choice of the life partner, you are about to make. Dowry-demanding, directly or indirectly is wrong.It amounts to male-prostitution, according to me. And male-prostitutes do not make it to heaven, mind you, the Bible records! But a boy and a girl who are going to get married must count the cost of starting a new family and must be willing to adjust and live with the financial resources they pool-in together. Both the girl’s parents and the boy’s parents must bless them voluntarily with resources to help them settle down and start a new home.
6. Does that person have a BADGE OF APPROVAL from the elders? Samson and Easu threw out good parental advice when it came to life partner choice and paid for it, dearly. If advice from elders comes in line with God’s Word, take it. You would be wiser at the end of the day.
Keeping these ‘ 6 B’ questions in mind you can be wise in your life partner choice. Pray about the matter. If you have peace go ahead. If peace follows your prayer, the decision you have taken in line with God’s written Word, the Bible, is a God-guarded decision (Phil 4:6,7). Do not postpone your choice of life partner giving some excuse or the other or by looking for a perfect life partner. When beauty queens did this, they became beggers (Isa 4:1).
There is another way one can look at this question:
Commanding Scripture: Is the partner I am considering a believer?
II Cor 6:14
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
Controlling Spirit: Do I have peace when I pray about him/her?
Phil 4
The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Counsel of Saints: Do others who mean good to me, especially elders and parents, think we will make a good pair?
Proverbs 11:14
Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.
Circumstantial Signs: Is God opening the doors for me to marry that person? For example, is she/he saying ‘s’ to the proposal of marriage?
Genesis 24
Behold, I am standing by the spring of water, and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water. 14 Let the young woman to whom I shall say, ‘Please let down your jar that I may drink,’ and who shall say, ‘Drink, and I will water your camels’—let her be the one whom you have appointed for your servant Isaac. By this [2] I shall know that you have shown steadfast love to my master.”
For the 4 ‘CSs’ I just used, I am grateful to Nicky Gumbel who first talked about them in one of his books.
Post Script: This article is for those who are working and in the age bracket to be married. But if you still studying, please concentrate on your studies and be friends with everyone in your class instead of spending all your time with a boyfriend or girlfriend; student days are not the best times for romantic love; there is time for everything! (Eccl 3). Falling in love during your student days could potentially drill two holes into your system, one, in your heart, and, another, in your purse!
(Duke Jeyaraj is the founder of Grabbing the Google Generation from Gehenna Mission – G4 Mission – an ministry to presentday people supported by individual Indians who are blessed by Duke’s messages and articles. Find out more about Duke and this ministry by liking www.facebook.com/googleduke and www.facebook.com/dukebook or visiting www.dukev.org)
