A GIRL: ‘I BELIEVED THIS PARTICULAR BOY WAS GOD’S WILL FOR ME. I MAINTAINED A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM WITHOUT MY PARENT’S KNOWLEDGE. WE GOT INTIMATE. NOW AFTER YEARS OF ‘ENJOYING’ ME, HE REFUSES TO MARRY ME. HE NOW SAYS, ‘IT IS NOT GOD’S WILL THAT WE MARRY’. HE HAS MOVED ON. BUT I AM NOT ABLE TO FORGET HIM!’
Duke Jeyaraj’s answer to a girl who asked this question
At the end of the day, one must understand this: according to I Cor. 7:39 – you can marry ANYONE but only in the Lord. So, ‘finding God’s will’ for marriage is a bit over-rated when God has already told you to marry ANY believer of YOUR CHOICE. Yes, we must seek God before finalizing life partner. Jesus prayed through the night before choosing 12 disciples (Luke 6:12-13). In your case – what disturbs me is this: perhaps your confidence it was God’s Will to marry that boy made you move with that boy closely and secretly (without parents knowledge). This is wrong and sinful (Sorry – But I will be frank here for your own good). Ezek. 23, Gen. 26, Prov. 7 – these passages talk about the sinfulness of physical intimacy before marriage. Watch these videos where I talk about this in biblical light, without beating around the bush: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fU2CmyKDqZ8&t=7s / https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrE83K1d4Oo / https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSimp0-jsV0&t=37s / https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nANwM2eqqH4 / https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fU2CmyKDqZ8&t=7s
Can anything good come out of this sad situation you are in? Yes! As we read in Hosea 2 (read the full chapter), we see that God puts ‘hedges’/’blocks’, at times, when we chase things displeasing to him (Hos. 2:6). So, in this case, it is quite possible, the Lord, out of love for you, put a block by allowing the boy’s heart to harden and say ‘no’ to you! Why? God sees the end from the beginning (Isa. 46:10). He knows the turmoils you could go through if you had gone ahead and married this boy. So, God allowed the boy’s heart to harden the same way Pharaoh’s heart was hardened (Ex. 9:12). Now, having understood this, you should move on. Ask the Lord sorry: for maintaining secrecy about this from your parents, for the physical intimacy before marriage. The blood of Jesus will cleanse (Isa. 1:18 – scarlet sins, unprintable sins will be washed white). God justifies (Romans 3:26; 4:5; 8:33). It means in his eyes, when you come in repentance and faith, you are just-as-if-you-have-never-sinned. And you must move on with life. God is able to bring another boy who would love you and marry you, just the way you are (no matter what your past is). God is able to bring into your life a boy who will have the words of Phil. 3:13 in his mouth: But one thing I do: “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead…” By the way, you should not broadcast your past, as if it was the Goodnews of the Gospel! Only the Goodnew is worth broadcasting – not your sinful, colorful past. If a boy asks a point-blank question about your past, he is not marriage-material! He is not worth marrying!
(Duke Jeyaraj, is the founder of Grabbing the Google Generation from Gehenna Mission, the G4 Mission. Duke has written a hard-hitting book on the topics which this question embraces – sex, love, marriage, romance, porn, etc (50 such topics) called STRAIGHT TALK (edition 2020). Find that book on Amazon. Find out more about Duke’s reader-supported ministry at http://www.dukev.org. You may choose to write to Duke via firstname.lastname@example.org or via WhatsApp at 91-8886040605).